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Dildos. What’s your size?

Dildos. What’s your size?

Silly question to some, but rather an important one that’s going to enhance your love life and invite more fun into the bedroom.

This blog was inspired from me chatting to a guy the other night and he came up with the subject of dildos.

‘I’ve been using bigger toys to try and stretch my arse as I always find it painful, so not enjoyable,’ he said.

Well you would do if you’re shoving a large object up your bottom without any care or attention. It’s just like trying to push a square peg in a round hole. However hard you try, it’s never going to fit!

I replied, ‘Are you using any lubrication?’ He said, ‘Yes, loads.’

So he’s doing everything ok, so why isn’t he having any fun? It could be that he has gone about this the wrong way round. I suggested using something smaller to start with, so that he could get used to the feeling of something inside of him without any pain before progressing up to the next size.

It was such an obvious solution that he never even thought of that.

If you and your partner are going to use toys, then you will need to do some research before any purchase, as dildos, butt plugs and vibrators can be rather expensive and bewildering to a beginner.

Here is my simple guide on what to look out for when buying your toys.

Don’t be bogged down by the amount of dildos that are on offer. You may feel like a kid in a sweet shop, but do take your time when choosing your new friend.

There are shelves full of dildos waiting for you to discover, all in a variety of sizes, colours, materials and shapes. They can start as a very basic dildo in shape and form and go up to an all singing and dancing vibrator. Prices can range from a few pounds to hundreds of pounds. The choice is yours.

You can get dildos made from glass, silicone, plastic and metal. Not all dildos are shaped as penises. Some come in the form of a hand or double hands clenched together to simulate the sensation of fisting and some come with attachments and crazy shaped tools that reaches parts other dildos fail to conquer.

If you’re looking for a substitute for a real penis, you can buy realistic dildos made from skin soft, flesh-like material that have a natural weight and thickness to them. Some of them have a sucker at the base for hands free pleasure. And if you’re star struck on a certain celebrity, you can even buy ones that have been modelled on real life porn stars.

Strap-on dildos are perfect for penetrative play with your partner. These are great for straight or same sex couples who want to take their anal play to the next stage.

A strap-on dildo sits in a harness and can be worn by either sex. The dildo can be fixed fitting within the harness or can be interchangeable.

Popular in the BDSM and bondage scene, strap-ons are ideal for role reversal and can be used as a domination device. Yet pegging in the bedroom can be intimate and loving too.

Additional to your static dildos, the next generation are vibrating ones. These good vibrations are here to stimulate your senses with their orgasmic rotating, bending, shaking, buzzing, thrusting or twisting actions.

These can be singular phallic pieces or have clit stimulators added on for a more intense experience.

Then there are the big daddy, bad boys in town dildos. These are designed to push your boundaries and take you on an orgasmic trip to Pleasureland and back.

As you check out for your extra playmate, do make sure that your toy has a wide base to them or they could accidently slip inside and get stuck, thus avoiding an embarrassing trip to A&E!

Also, when using your dildo, do use plenty of lubrication. The best ones are water based lubes. Do not use silicone base lubes with your flesh like toys as this can degrade the finish and destroy your toy.

Please be careful when playing with your toys. Do not jab and force it in, but rather gently nudge and guide the tip around your anus. Ease it into the hole slowly and keep pulling it out. Add lubrication as you go as it can dry out. If your toy has some kind of a bulbous head on it, this can hurt the first time it enters your bottom. Again, work up to this but don’t hurry your actions.

If your dildo won’t go in after a while, then stop or otherwise you will hurt yourself and damage your intimate area. You know your own body, so listen to it.

As I said earlier, you will need to start small and work up. After all, you are looking to be pleasured and not to be split into two!

Saying that, your toy can add a whole new world of hedonistic possibilities for you and with your partner by finding each other’s G-spots and sharing your unadulterated experiences.

I hope this has helped in some way.

If you’re still not sure on which dildo to choose from or how to use them, then there are plenty of anal play and how to do guides online.

Play safe and have fun.

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Swingers Codes

Swingers Codes.

Urban myths?

It is said, like any other lifestyle choice, secret codes are used to find likeminded playmates within the swinging society.

Are these urban myths or the truth behind the titillating twitching curtains of suburbia?

It has been said that if you have pampas grass plants in your garden, it’s a sign that you swing. If so, then this could be one of the reasons why there has been a decline in this plant recently. But what about other innocent garden decorations which are supposed to have hidden secret meanings?

Do you have a pretty display of white rocks outside your house with an artistic display of pink or purple flowers exploding from the centre? Nothing wrong with that, I hear you cry, but could this be the case on when moving the rocks about, indicating that a party is about to happen, you could be stating to your guests that they’re about to get their rocks off?

Also, do you also plunge pretty pink flamingos into your bush, baskets or any other garden orifices for that matter?

And what about your knockers? Are they big and shiny and take the shape of a pineapple? Yes, apparently the pineapple is supposed to be another sign within the community. If that’s the case, then keep an eye out for your neighbours who may have them proudly protruding from their supermarket trollies! And if you have one too, then this could be a conversation starter that could lead to something special.

Along with the old fashioned code, such as when a wife would peg certain garments on the washing line or place a shoe in the window, indicating that she was home alone and ready to play, can you think of other home improvements to cipher?

So now that you have your house decorated in secret symbols, what about you? How can you let other potential partners know that you’re a ‘friend of Ellis’ without having to reveal your nipples and practice a secret hand-shake over the meat counter? Well you could, if you wanted to get banned by the supermarket and shock the blue rinse brigade in the process, but there are other subtle ways of showing your sexy side.

Mostly worn by ladies, as they have the power within the lifestyle, there are a few items of jewellery that can indicate what they want. For instance, one of the main choices a woman can wear are ankle bracelets with certain charms on them, indicating their sexual preferences, spelt out words (such as Hot Wife, Slut, BBC) or accomplishments and achievements.

When someone adorns a black ring on their right hand, it shows that they are open to fun and games. Another ring or a pendant that can be used is The Ace Of Spades logo, as it announces that the wearer wants BBC, or in other words, a Big Black Cock.

Also wearing a chameleon badge or pin can demonstrate diversity between the sheets, just like a chameleon who can change its colour.

Unfortunately I haven’t encountered any male jewellery or clothing indicating their lifestyle choice yet, other than a cock cage, being on Tinder and other naughty social media sites or wearing a rubber wrist band with a swinging logo on. Although I’m sure there must be other furtive swinging signs that men can display to attract potential partners. Or perhaps a blatant chat over a drink?

I hope this has given you something to think about, to try and put in to practise. Perhaps you do something different that’s not on here or have created your own language and rituals that others have followed? If so, please let me know.

With all that in mind, are these swinging codes real, or is it just urban myth?

You decide!